The massive gate closed behind Sef, and with it, the sun was gone. The world she was left with was dark and empty. She tried desperately to get the gate to reopen. She pounded and clawed before resulting to screaming at it to let her back in.

“You’ve made a mistake!” she screamed, but the gate was silent as was everything she’d once known behind it. The unknown she now faced slowly began to encroach around her arms and legs, eveloping her slowly until it reached her face and swallowed her cries along with the rest of her. Then she was slapped hard across the face.

“Ahh, what the f—,” Sef yelped as she jerked up out of her bed fully pulled out of the same nightmare she’d had every night for months.

“Sorry,” Olly said sitting back on her bunk. “You were screaming and thrashing in your sleep again. Not gonna lie. That’s getting really old. Seriously, Tatiana and Merlac have discussed killing you and dumping your body somewhere outside the barrens for the ravages to find. I’m not saying they’ll actually go through with it, but you might want to deal with your issues before they do.”

Sef rubbed her face where she’d been smacked into consciousness. “I’m sorry I woke you. These nightmares keep happening. I guess the other girls already left for breakfast?”

“Yeah,” Olly answered. “It was that or the previously stated murder. I talked them out of it, but sleep deprivation can do nasty things to people.”

“Maybe, I’ll look for somewhere else to sleep for a few nights. Let you guys get a break.”

“That might be a good idea. It’s not like we don’t want you here, Sef. You’ve been a fun addition to our bunk. It’s just you know, I’d rather my friends not murder my other friend, and I think they are starting to get serious about it.”

“Yeah, I get it.” Sef climbed out of her bed and looked around the room. It was rather small for four girls. In her old home, she’d always had her own space. Not that she remembered having nightmares then, but if she had it wouldn’t have driven anyone to murderous thoughts. Here there were four beds stacked in twos placed on opposite walls of the room. Any personal effects brought into the area were kept in a single dresser or on a tiny shelf at the foot of each bed. This left little square footage for moving around, so it was no wonder she was driving her roommates crazy.

Sef collected what few belongings she still had since arriving at the barrens around four months ago. Many of her things had been bartered for necessities like water, food, and clean clothing. Olly, Tatiana, and Merlac had only initially allowed her to stay with them because she had interesting objects to trade. Unfortunately, she had been lost for so long before arriving at the barrens that most of her food had been depleted, so she didn’t have any option but to trade away many of the few precious items she had been able to bring with her.

On her way out to the showers, Olly called out, “It should only be for a few nights. I’ll talk to them.”

Outside, it was still dark out. These nightmares were really causing problems. Sef’s roommates weren’t the only ones not getting any sleep. Sef was tired, stressed, and ready to put this all out of her mind. Unfortunately, she was beginning to think not thinking about her exile was causing her nightly terrors. The dreams weren’t even that scary, but they represented when fear entered her life for the first time. She hadn’t really felt safe since.

The good thing about the barrens, though, was there wasn’t much time for wallowing in self pity or drastic life changes. From sun up until sunset, everyone was expected to work and carry their weight. It was made clear to Sef that as long as she could do that she would be welcome. The irony no one understood was it was that exact ethos which caused her to find herself here in the first place. She still wasn’t even sure how she’d been able to do that.

Sef found herself pondering this mystery on the way to the clinic. Not an actual clinic but the joking title everyone called the clothing building because the workers spent most of their time repairing rends and trying to piece work the random scraps hunters brought back. The actual clinic, or infirmary as they called it, was far less pleasant to be inside. It was Sef’s introduction to the barrens, and she hoped to never find herself there again.

The clothing clinic was far less depressing. Sef had not had much experience with making and repairing clothes in her old life, but she actually kind of enjoyed it. Her fellow workers were also enjoyable. They’d welcomed her in first out of sheer curiosity because new people were a rarity, but she had quickly become one of them. Outside of her bunkmates, these were really the only people she’d grown to know. It was like that for most of the barrens natives. Trust was hard to come by due to the harsh conditions these people lived in.

Most outsiders were ravagers who were feared by everyone in the village. Finding someone civil and intelligent like Sef felt like a blessing of good things to come for these people. Even so, most still kept their distance from her unless they were forced to interact at the clinic or the canteen.

Sef didn’t take it personally. She was used to more of a community environment, so the initial introduction of being around people be so guarded and untrusting was a bit of a shock. Now, she’d actually appreciated that while they wanted to know more about her no one really wanted to get close enough to ask her the personal questions she didn’t want to answer.

The few people who’d beaten her to the clinic this morning looked up from their projects. Most of them gave her a smile. A couple waved. One ignored her completely. This was pretty much every interaction she had with Des. She knew his name and that he lived with a group of guys similar to her bunk with Olly, Tatiana, and Merlac. She also knew from the friends she’d made in the clinic that he was also an outsider. This made him fascinating to Sef, but so far, he’d had zero interest in communicating with her outside of forced work interactions. If he wasn’t asking to borrow some fabric or spare thread, he could not care less that she existed.

“Don’t take it personally,” Lottie said to her one day after noticing Sef’s exasperation. “He’s pretty much like that to everyone. I think he’s been here five or six years, and I couldn’t tell you anything about him beside his name. And well…” she trailed off.

“And what,” Sef had pushed. Des may not have cared about getting to know other people, but to her, he was an enigma she needed to figure out. She wasn’t sure why, but something about him seemed familiar from the moment she saw his face.

“Well, he disappears from time to time. No one knows where he goes. It’s not on hunting trips like he claims, but at least once a year, he’ll disappear for a while then reappear a few months later.”

“Strange,” was all Sef said to this information. It was odd indeed because life outside of the barrens was not hospitable. Besides the ravagers, there was hundreds of miles of desert in every direction. The mountainous caves the barrens were located in were an anomaly. It would almost be an oasis if everyone wasn’t constantly working to survive one more day.

Sef realized she was still staring in Des’s direction when he looked up from the machine he was currently working at. Surprisingly, he returned her stare, but instead of the puzzlement Sef always felt when it came to him, his face looked almost angry. He then gave her a slow shake of his head then returned to his work.

That was weird, but what wasn’t here? Everything was strange and glum in the barrens. Des’s behavior was simply another change in a long list of changes she had to get used to. Deciding the action meant nothing, she continued on to her usual spot in the workroom. Since she was the newest worker here on top of being an outsider, she’d been granted the very unlucky spot in the dark back corner. Her machine was also the most problematic, so she not only had to figure out how to sew on it but had to figure out how to keep it functioning.

Somehow she also always seemed to get one of the heavier workloads. Today was no exception. The bench beside her ancient sewing machine was also overflowing with new clothes. This made her loudly sigh, which garnered the attention of the shop lead, Malcolm.

“Don’t huff new girl. You know the drill. You only eat if you finish your assignment. Looks like you don’t have time to spend complaining.”

What a dick. This was a regular thought Sef had toward Malcolm. She got it. They had to work to eat and anyone not pulling their weight wouldn’t reap the rewards of others hard work. She was granted leeway during her first few days. She still wasn’t sure how she found the barrens, but she’d woken up in the infirmary heavily dehydrated and starving. The desert didn’t look fondly on the inexperienced. For someone like Sef, who’d only ever known a full stomach and abundance in everything, finding herself without anything was more than a shock. It was nearly a death sentence. The thought still made her angry.

Did they know what would happen to me when they made me leave?

Finding the barrens felt like a miracle. Even if the conditions here were harsh, the people had welcomed her with few expectations on her part. If cleaning and mending clothes was enough to keep her from being forced back into that deadland, she’d gladly accept her new role.

This is what she had to remind herself as she piled the stack of clothes in a basket and carried them to the stream to be cleaned. It was backbreaking work getting the garments cleaned on the rocks and minimal water that flowed behind the workshop. She grabbed the first shirt, thankful there was more than a few drips of water today, and threw it on the nearby rocks, which had been smoothed after years of abuse from other workers. As she began scrubbing with her assigned soap bar, Des squatted beside her. His appearance out of nowhere made Sef jump nearly out of her skin, causing her to let go of the shirt.

“Oh no,” she yelped jumping after the piece. If she lost any items, her rations would be reduced for up to a month, and she wouldn’t be paid until her future labor made up for the loss. Not even thinking about it, she jumped into the narrow river. It wasn’t ever a threat of flooding, but even a small current moved the water and anything in it quickly downstream. Thankfully, she was able to grab the shirt, but now she was soaked and would have to spend the rest of the day freezing.

The anger must have been apparent on her face because Des looked disconcerted. It also wasn’t lost on her that he also seemed to be holding back a laugh.

“I’m sorry,” he said holding out a hand to pull her out of the river. “I didn’t know how easily you scared.”

“Yeah, well, I’m not used to people sneaking up on me in the dark.” She threw down the fetched shirt and began trying to wring out her own clothes.

“Here you go,” Des said removing his coat and handing it to her. “You’ll freeze out here in wet clothes.” Sef grabbed the jacket and put it on without question. She was already frigid before the jump into the icy water, and it didn’t go past her notice that another downside of being new here was getting the dregs of whatever was left. Even though she layered up her gifted clothes, they still were thin tattered pieces of fabric not meant for these weather conditions.

“I do want it back later, though.” Des must have registered her appreciation for the non-gift. He would have let her have it, but he was once in her shoes and it had taken a long time to earn enough to barter such a decent coat. Even during the warm months, the nights in the barrens were unfathomably cold. He wouldn’t part with such a hard-earned item that had probably saved him many times over by this point.

“Did you want something?” Sef asked slowly regaining some warmth in her limbs. “You’ve barely acknowledged my existence, so I’m hoping causing me to dive into the river was important.”

“Again, I am sorry, but I needed to know why you keep staring at me. I’ve seen you doing it many times, and I figured I would finally ask so it could stop.”

“Oh,” Sef felt a little sheepish. “Yeah, I don’t know exactly. You just seem so familiar.”

For a moment, Sef could have sworn Des’s eyes looked scared. However, it was only a flash and it was gone. He face was now its normal indifferent expression, like he’d rather be anywhere else than here speaking with her. “I’m sure it’s nothing,” she continued out of nervousness. “There’s no way I could actually no you. Maybe it’s that Lottie told me you were also an outsider. I don’t know anyone else who isn’t from here, so maybe I felt some kind of kinship or something.”

Surprising her yet again, Des chuckled. “You don’t remember I guess. I was the one who found you.”

“Found me?” as far as she been told, no one had found her, but that was stupid. How did she get to the infirmary if no one had found her. Someone must have.

“Yeah you were passed out about a couple miles from here. Scared the wiggins out of me to see someone laying out in the desert like that. I don’t know how long you’d been there, but I carried you back here and turned you over to the barrens leaders. They must have decided you posed no threat and brought you to the infirmary for treatment.”

This news was mind blowing to Sef. Why had no one told her? It probably didn’t seem to matter to the few people who knew, but the man in front of her had saved her life, and it mattered to her.

“Thank you,” was all she could seem to muster. It didn’t seem like nearly enough to say. Des simply nodded his head and gave her a small smile in return.

“Anytime.” Then he turned and walked back to the workshop, leaving her to continue with her duties.

~

Sef was just finishing up the washing when more people started to show up at the stream. It wasn’t lost on her that their piles were smaller than hers. You like to eat she reminded herself. You like having shelter. Somedays that mantra was enough to get her through, but for some reason, today in her dripping wet clothes she was left feeling a bit hopeless. Is this what the rest of my life is?

Back in the workroom, she noticed Des was missing. It didn’t really surprise her. He worked fast. Probably having a well functioning machine made the chore easier, but she was also a novice seamstress so stitching pieces together took her longer than anyone else. At least they had machines, she couldn’t imagine how much more time it would take to handstitch everything. Lottie had told her that was how they used to do everything until some of their hunters had found an abandoned clothing manufacturer building. They had slowly brought back all the machines and hardware and it had vastly improved the way clothes were distributed.

It had still been dark out when Sef started her day, and it was once again dark when she finally left the clinic for the day. The lack of windows in the workshop meant her only time to absorb any sunlight was the time spent at the stream, and since the little river was majorily covered by the cliffsides, this menat she rarely saw daylight these days.

“It won’t be like this forever,” Lottie commented seeing Sef look up at the night sky. “You came here at the start of the cold season. When the summer months return, there will be more time to enjoy the sun. Plus, by then your sewing skills will undoubtedly have improved, so you won’t have to spend so much time in the clinic.” She gave Sef a quick hug and a friendly smile before heading off to the canteen. Sef hadn’t made many friends in the barrens. It was hard when everyone lived so guarded, but she felt lucky to have met Lottie. She was a sweet soul, and in a way, reminded her of her best friend from back home. For a moment, a pang of sadness overcame Sef. Thinking of Thalia often did that.

Shaking off old memories, Sef followed Lottie to the canteen. Like most of the buildings in the barrens, the areas of the canteen that weren’t made up of surrounding caves and cliffside were built out of any scrap metal the architects could scrounge up. The space was also purposefully built without any windows. Sef had asked someone about the lack of windows during her first week. Apparently, it was better to go without sunlight if you were constantly expecting attacks from ravagers. During her eight months, Sef had yet to witness one of these attacks, but everyone made sure to remind her they were always at risk. “Stay alert,” was a common farewell said by most people in the barrens. A constant reminder the haven she’d come to think of as a miracle was only a temporary solution. What her longterm solution was, though, Sef could’t fathom. Her upbringing didn’t make her fit for this life, but she was learning fast that she had to change.

Eating what basically amounted to gruel was not an easy change. She’d grown up with plentiful fruits and vegetables and the occasional game. Here food started out fresh when the hunters came home, but over time, the consolidation and stretching of meals made them resemble the mud lying by the river. There were also rarely fresh eatables grown in the barrens. The environment wasn’t really conducive to producing anything. Sef was told during the summer gardens were more likely, but the intense heats that replaced the mind-numbing freezes, made them just as rare. The humidity in the caves could be conducive for growing, but the lack of sunlight and water, limited what could be grown. Basically, the only greens Sef saw these days were the evasive mushrooms and moss that seemed to thrive in such conditions.

After grabbing her daily bowl of mush, Sef sat at one of the empty tables. Her late entrance meant most everyone had already had their last meal of the day. It wasn’t so bad being here late. It gave her somewhere to be before she had to deal with her lack of somewhere to sleep for the night. She asked Lottie, and even though the woman liked Sef, she didn’t think her bunkmates would go for it. Sef was still a stranger to them afterall.

“I know it’s awful,” a voice started her from above. She dropped her spoon in the undecipherable bowl of food, causing some of it splash on her now damp shirt.

“You’ve got to stop doing that,” Sef said looking up at Des pissed off at being covered in her dinner. He actually dared to laugh out loud this time.

“I’m sorry,” he managed to get out between chortles. “You’ve really got to work on your sense of awareness. That’s an easy way to get killed around here.”

“Yeah, I’m quickly figuring that out after today.” She began removing the lender coat.

“No, wait,” he said holding out a hand and taking the seat across from her. “Hold on to it for now. Lottie tells me you might need it, but you’re going to need more than that sleeping outside in wet clothes.”

“I’ve got another shirt in my bag,” Sef told him.

“But you still don’t have anywhere to sleep tonight?”

“No.”

“I’d tell you to stay with us tonight but you know how they are about single genders sharing sleeping quarters. Also, I don’t think I’d feel comfortable about you staying there.”

That was good way to make Sef remember her place in the barrens. She was completely alone here. She thought she should be used to it after months lost in that overwhelming forest after her exile, but this felt worse. Here she was surrounded by people; not to dissimilar from her home, but she was not wanted here anymore than she was there at the end.

“Oh, I don’t mean like I wouldn’t welcome you,” Des quickly correctly seeing her downtrodden face. “I just mean, my roommates are kind of on the rough side. I don’t think I’d want any girl there.”

Silence fell between them. Sef was too caught up in her lack of plan and lack of community to reach out for help. She was also tired, so feeling sorry for herself seemed easier even though it wouldn’t help her solve this problem.

“You’ve had a rough day, huh?” he asked. “I won’t lie that some of it is definitely my fault.”

Sef smiled at him in silent agreement with his admission. “Tomorrow has to get better, right?”

“I don’t know,” he answered. “I’d like to tell you, yes, but I’ve definitely seen things get much worse for people. Tonight though, I think I can help you now that I think about it. If you are finished with your mystery meal, clean up and meet me outside all right?”

It wasn’t a command, and Sef didn’t know anything about Des really to trust him, but she did as he requested. It was really late, she realized when they were outside. Most of the lanterns on the different buildings had already been put out for the night to conserve fuel. Being by the cliffside meant the majority of the night sky was hidden, so it was hard to see. Most people were already asleep, readying themselves for another early start and grueling day of work. Sef should be asleep.

“Come on,” Des said waving her to follow him. Thankfully, her night vision was remarkably good even without any moonlight to assist her, so she didn’t stumble over anything. She also was able to make out where he was taking her.

“No, no, no,” she said grabbing his arm. “I’m not going in there. Those things freak me out.”

“Oh come on, they are harmless,” and he continued pulling open the large door and walking into the stables. “Besides, you aren’t going to sleep in the stalls with them. I’ve got something else planned.”

Against her better judgement, Sef continued on but kept a close hold on Des’s arm. The monsters, because what else could something so monstrous looking be, that were kept in the stables were used to carry the hunters on their journeys. She’d never seen them hurt anyone, but they scared her just the same.

When they were towards the back, far away from the hulking beasts in the stalls, Des pointed up. “You’re going up there. There’s a ladder you can use to get up and down. No one goes up there, so you’ll have plenty of privacy. Unfortunately, there isn’t a lot of protection from the wind, but you can hold on to my coat. Tomorrow we’ll get you a blanket.”

Sef was left speechless. People in the barrens had been cordial as long as Sef got her work done and followed their rules, but few people had truly been kind to her since she’d arrived.

“Thank you,” was all she could manage to say to Des. It wasn’t enough she knew, but her fatigue was quickly catching up to her and if she didn’t retreat up those ladder rungs immediately, she might start crying out of the genuine relief she felt after such a long, arduous day.